stay with me by my side, *

[ALEXANDER JAMES MCLAIR]

the dream nightmare had been replaying over in the young boy's head ever since he'd had it. he was chasing the one person who mattered to most to him. but she kept turning around and telling him to go away, saying she didn't want anything to do with him any more. he'd tried to run faster but it hadn't worked. it was like something was weighing him down. something that didn't want him to each her or be happy. like arms dragging him back and no matter how much he screamed and pulled, the arms just got stronger. he shook the thoughts from his head, rolling his eyes at himself in the mirror. he ran a hand through his messy hair and then shook his head, turning away from the mirror and walking towards the kitchen. he only had a small place with the usual. a kitchen, a bedroom, a bathroom, living room and a small balcony. this young boy was only eighteen and hadn't left his small flat for a few months. only to get food and drink. he didn't see the point any more. there was nothing left for him. not since she had left him. it killed him more than death actually could. it didn't make sense to anyone else, but then again, it didn't need to. as long as this boy knew how much he loved her, then nobody else needed to. except her, of course. he'd told her and she'd run away. or was kidnapped. he didn't know what to believe any more. the voice mails seemed to show that there was a reason she didn't want to see him. but he couldn't understand that reason, at least, not yet.

alexander shook his head again, closing his eyes and putting his hands against the counters in the kitchen. thinking about it hurt him and he didn't want to hurt. alex got out a glass from the cupboard and then put it on the counter, sighing again. this was all he seemed to do now. wake up, get a drink, sleep. wake up, eat, sleep. wake up, shower, eat, sleep. he had no life because he didn't have anyone to share it with. alex picked his glass back up and then filled it with water. he waited for it to fill and then put the glass to his lips, drinking the bitter liquid. he didn't like water but he couldn't be bothered to get anything else right now. he didn't even think he had anything else. probably just alcohol and he really didn't feel like drinking right now. alexander took another drink of his water and then set it on the counter. he turned and walked towards the fridge, opening it slowly and then sighing at the lack of food in it. alex bit his lip, putting one hand on the door of it and then staring into it for a while. he wasn't actually looking for anything to eat, he was just staring because it passed the time. after what seemed like ages, he shook his head and then actually looked for food. he put his hand in and then pulled out an open bar of chocolate. it was what he'd had last night, as well. after he'd woken up because of a different nightmare. he sighed and then closed the fridge door, turning and walking back to the counter.

alex removed the folded packaging from the chocolate and then split it into pieces, putting one in his mouth and sighing. he didn't know what to do with himself anymore. after swallowin another piece of chocolate, he took a drink of his water and then refilled the glass. sleeping pills were what he needed at this moment in time. he pulled a box from the back of the counter to him and opened it. alex took out two small pink pills and then put them in his mouth. he swallowed the water with them and then made a face at the horrible taste. alex took another drink of water to get rid of the taste and then put one more piece of chocolate in his mouth. after refilling his glass once more, he walked out of the kitchen, switching off the light and then turning towards his bedroom. once he was inside, he closed the door and then set down the rest of his chocolate and his water on the table. alex sighed, making his way towards his window. he looked out of it for a moment and then pushed it open. the slightly cold air was nice. he was so warm right now. alex bit his lip and then turned around again, shuffling towards his bed again.

he sat down on it and then finished his chocolate. after another few drinks of his water, he pulled the covers back over him and put his head on his pillow. alex didn't want to sleep but he knew he'd have to eventually. maybe he should just wait for sleep to take him instead of actually trying. alex turned so he could look at the pictures of jamie on his wall. he lifted his hand to the nearest one which was of him and her. he ran his finger over her face slowly and then sighed, dropping his hand and putting it back under the covers. alex yawned quietly and then closed his eyes, giving in to waiting. he was asleep soon enough, anyway.



so this is done.. and it really sucks. but ilu. D:
for zoee. <3
nine oh seven words. <3

[JAIMESON KAYA COLTON.]

three months. she'd been gone for three months. she honestly thought someone would have come for her by now. someone should have found her & taken her home. she never thought that she'd miss her home as much as she did now. she missed ami, though only god knew why. she missed the screaming matches with her mother & subtly undermining her step-father's authority. she missed defying her parents & doing as she pleased. she missed her friends, the friends she hardly ever saw because they irritated her so damn much. she couldn't stay long in their presence because they pissed her off. they were small dose friends, & yet, jamie missed them so much it was almost like a physical pain. & then there was alex. alex. jamie's heart seemed to shatter into a million pieces. she didn't do love. she'd explained that from the start. she wasn't a commitment girl & she couldn't guarantee that she'd be completely his. jaimeson couldn't promise that she would be one hundred per cent faithful because jamie wasn't like that. she'd never been like that, & she couldn't change for just one person, try as she might. she changed for no one; she was always the loud, sarcastic, bitchy jaimeson whether they liked it or not. they learnt to put up with it & jamie went on with her life. but now, her heart was starting to confuse her. jamie knew she didn't love, she knew it. but there was this undeniably sharp pain in her chest & jaimeson knew it wasn't because of anything physical. she wanted alex to hate her. she wanted him to be angry at her. let him think she ran away because he said the 'l' word. let him think that jamie was a cold-hearted bitch. it just made it so much easier for her to stay away.

she couldn't contact him, not anymore. not now. she wasn't allowed. rules had never much bothered jamie before; she just went ahead & broke them regardless. but now, they mattered, because they involved the people she loved. loved. she loved alex. she did. jamie, the girl who didn't love, who couldn't love because she was so scared of being hurt, had gone & done the very thing she'd never wanted to do. she was hurting so badly it was a constant pain, a knawing ache; a hole in the middle of her chest that she couldn't seem to fill. alex needed to hate her, because she hated herself. she hated what she'd become. she wasn't human anymore. she hated that she was a danger to her friends, to her family, to alex. jaimeson had been missing for three months, but she'd been a vampire less than three weeks. she had no control over her actions. when she was thirsty, she drank. when she was angry, she fought. whenever she felt even the slightest bit of emotion, she exploded. she couldn't handle herself anymore.

they were keeping her locked away, hidden in a small room on the topmost floor of the apartment building. her days were spent sleeping & drinking & arguing, stealing phones & ringing alex, just to hear his voice, just to know that he was okay. she needed him to stop looking for her. she needed to make sure that he was safe & he wasn't getting himself into trouble. the only way she could do that was by hurting him, & by hurting him, she was only hurting herself even more. telling him not to contact her, to leave her alone, to just stop looking .. jamie didn't want him to stop looking; she wanted him to find her & to take her home & to tell her everything would be okay. everything would be fine. no one would mind that she was a vampire; no one would have to know! everything would be just the way it used to be, & everything would be fine. jamie would have to have a supply of blood handy, but that would be fine. everything would be just fine. jamie already had her blood supply; one of the nicer vampires ( though jaimeson insulted her more times in one hour than she'd ever done to anyone ever before ) & had found that jamie was particularly partial to O negative blood. after that, it had been a simple case of learning to hunt. jamie had had that privilege revoked after aleks & beth realised that jamie was intentionally causing as much damage as possible. humans were just delivered to her now, & though jamie tried as hard as she could, she couldn't keep all of them alive.

jaimeson was stood outside alex's flat, eyes upon his bedroom window & ears searching for any sign of noise. this wasn't the first time jaimeson had snuck out but this was the first time she'd left the apartment complex hungry. she was pushing her luck, but she just had to know if he was safe. if he was safe around her. if she didn't attack him, she'd be fine. the light went off, & jamie stood still, waiting. she waited for ten minutes, allowing alex time to fall asleep, & then she moved. she was in alex's room faster than she could blink. she sat down on the end of his bed, folding her legs under her, like a child, & just watched. she wanted to touch him, but just being in his presence was proving hard enough. she stopped breathing, & the delicious scent ceased to bombard her nose. this wasn't fair.

[ALEXANDER JAMES MCLAIR]

alex didn't have anyone else to go to anymore. he couldn't tell anyone his problems now. they never believed him. ever since jamie had gone missing, they thought every word that came out of his mouth wasn't true. he didn't understand how the two could be linked. did they all know something he didn't? was there some secret that only alex didn't know about? ever since jamie had gone missing, he'd refused to believe the tales he was told. no matter how believable they were, if there wasn't anyone else to tell about them, they didn't matter. he could tell his friends but it would never be the same as telling jamie. he understood that people thought he was too clingy. he wasn't physically, just mentally. he loved that girl. more than he loved his own family. she meant so much to him and nobody from his family had been there for him when the news had come through. it was just the strangers who'd seen him on tv and had come to him asking if he was okay and if he was coping fine. he'd lied and told them he was, of course. they were strangers, not people he could trust, really. though everyone already knew who he was and some of the information about him, he didn't feel like it was good when people recognised him in the street. if that was the case, he wanted to be known for something good that he'd done. not because he was the missing person's boyfriend. he didn't want to be known for something bad that had happened to a loved one. especially since he still believed it was his fault that she was missing. he'd told her he loved her and she'd obviously got scared and packed her bags. then left. he didn't blame her, though. he just wanted to know she was safe.

the one thing that bugged alex the most was that he didn't understand how someone could disappear suddenly without a trace of evidence. with jamie, it was a case of he being there one minute and just not being there the next. it confused alex and he hated the confusion more than anyone could have imagined. even though living in confusion was like a second nature to him, he still had to think hard about the answers he needed and the questions he was asked. alex had grown up with his father telling him this and that then changing it to something completely different. he was used to being confused, but like everyone, it still hurt his brain when he had to think about what was really going on.

alex frowned in his sleep. his dream had started with him thinking about home and about before his mother had died. but it had changed now. the image of his mother had been smashed into a million pieces by these great hands. and he could see jamie through the reflection in these glass-like shatters. he was crying because of what had just happened to his mother and now he could see a scared look on jamie's face. he tried to reach for her but the hands which had smashed the image of his mother were now pulling him down. he tried his best to push them away but they only pushed him down more. until he was physically wincing in pain. now something was watching him. he could feel the stare burn into his skin. he was warm, too warm. just burning. nobody was helping him. the hands were pushing him down and he couldn't breath. couldn't hear. couldn't see any more. he called out jamie's name but his voice was broken by the disability to now breathe. he called her name out again, louder this time, after taking a deep, deep breath. then she was gone. once again. and he could see blood. her blood? his blood? he wasn't sure. he just wanted to wake up, get out. he called her name again, a loud laughing coming after it. then darkness.

alex shot upright, breathing heavily and staring in front of him but not actually seeing what was there. he looked at the covers for a moment and then closed his eyes. wait, what? alex stopped breathing and then lifted his head slowly. he stared at what he thought was jamie. alex didn't move, now. he was still dreaming, he was sure of it. she couldn't be here. she was missing. obviously. there was no way she could be here. she'd told him not to look for her. but.. she was here. alex kept watching her, just not moving anymore. how was she here? why? he wanted to hug her, to just.. have her back. he missed her. and his body's frozen state wasn't helping him to get to her.



this really sucks. i'm sorry.
for zoee. <3
eight oh four